|&i'm not even scared of the 'L' word anymore. =]|
I've started eating [normally] for him. I didn't want to; but i'd
do anything for this kid. He could crush me horribly, ruin my life,
tell the world my deepest secrets & i'm taking that risk because I
like him so much. With other guys, after a while i get bored. But i
could never imagine being with anyone but him. Amazing feeling, i'm
telling you. I ate lunch & dinner today. I haven't gotten high or
done anything like that in, like, a weeeek. I'm going out with him
tonight. But i want to stay in. GOD, what is fucking wrong with me? I
can't stand how perfect he isssss.
beach all day
long. I got friggin BLACK. And by mistake ate sand. Off Greg's chest.
[hahahaha]. I had a lot of fun. I love my friends [x's89234423]
&i'm so glad Lys+I aren't cool anymore. rawr. Then, that night a
bunch of people from ny came to Danny's houseplacething [which is supah
gorgeous] and of course there was booze and sex and all that lovliness.
I'd been doing really good with eating&such so after drinking a
little i felt like unimaginably sick and Greg took me to the beach
while everyone was still at the house and he's wonderful. It's weird
though because before when we used to go out it was all "I love you
Greg" and "I love you Maddison" but now it's l ike we're a new couple
and I still don't trust him [bc all that shit with ASHLEIGH] but yeah.
I dunno...? Do I LOVE him? Whatev. Soyeah but he was being adorable and
cute and we were at the beaaaaachhh at like midnight. SO gorgeous
[him.thebeach.iasjfofafag]. I loved it.
Aasjfoiaagsdajgk. I woke up
at, uh, 2ish? Then Naomi and I layed out by the pool for a bit and
blahbalhablha we kept talking about Greg haha and I'm pretty sure
she and danny are going to get MARRIED and have 210491240 KIDS.
crrrazy. Then the guys came home [from....?] and we 'explored the town'
and just walked around Belmar by the shops and blahablahblah Greg
almost got in a fight with some random kid and everyone was all "wtf?
you know him?" and he was all "no. -angerissue-" andyeah. So right now
I believe everyone went out to eat and I said I wasn't feeling good so
I'm just waiting for them to get back. I think tonight we're gonig to
go out to this club right outside of Belmar. Aaahh, they better not
make me drive. ihatedriving.fuck. Oh, and this morning [2 pm] I met our
neighbooooooooors. They're drunken college kids. Aww. hahahahaha.
they're cool peoples.
Greg, Naomi, Danny, Jose, Ashley,
Johnathan [who?], Mark and ofcourse myself are going to Danny's beach
house for liiiiikeee 4 or 5 days or something. I'm excited. Mark is
hot. andmyex. andoneofGreg'sclosefriends. Oh, i dont think i ever wrote
it on here but Greg and I are dating. Not all 'let's hold hands'
boyfriend & girlfriend. Just dating. But i'm already soooooooooo
addicted. Andyeah, i didn't write this either but Greg and Mike like
fucked Anthony up. And i was all "Noo, wait... yes. idk?!" 'Cause if I
said something, like, yelling at him for doing it I would feel stupid
because it might've been b.c he was mad at Anthony for Ashleigh and
blahblahblhablhablabhlabhla. He's mine now. But haha I still can't help
but be like...not bored with him but like asoifjaoisas because he's my
ex boyfriend. Kinda like reading the same gossip magazine over and
over. Exciting, but aljfasfl with each read. omfg. that sounded bad.
Greg is gawgeous. <3
M A D D I S O N
or whenever Sunday was ] Greg's friend told him about some carnival at
some place in Jersey and he brought mee. It was so cute. With crappy
rides and spaniards everywhere but still. He kept saying stuff about
how he missed me & crap but i was just like whatev. Because i
honestly don't know how to react. Thenn, er, yeah i was the only chick
with him and a bunch of his guy friends and /i swear/ they kept
stalking any chick that looked remotely interested. Desperate much?
Yeah so we got home really late since his mentally challenged friend
tried to dump us off at Manhatten when he got lost so I got home at
like 2 or something but I went to his house&one thing led to
another and first he just, uh, ate me and then we sort of had sex
andyeah. I dunno? I feel weird even though there''s nothing wrong with
what i'm doing it's just...weird. And afterwards, he fell asleep and i
couldn't stop thinking about Anthony.
And then toooday I woke up
at like...3 pm. Jose and Naomi were over when i woke up [haha, they
have fun at my house while i'm unconsious] for a while then after
they left at like 9 ish Greg came over..without pants on. Very
suggestive and weird but cuuute at the same time. I dont get it either
like... 12ish i got my legs waxeddd [haha, they looked sunburnt] annd
then Greg took me to get Chinese and I ate a little and blahbalhalbh
whateverrr. Then I went shopping for the MILLIONTH time this week with
Naomi. I got a few new bikinis, a skirt, and a couple tank
tops/camisoles. Theennnnn we went to her house and Danny randomly
showed up. So yeah, they were totally almost having sex in front of me
so I went to see if Nick was home and he wasssss so we fooled around
for a little bit and ended up having sex again but afterwards it wasn't
all like, 'okay, you can leave now' and he was cool and he tried to
teach me how to play guitar but, yeah, no. He's a dear, he makes me
laugh. But he's 24 and that would never work out. And it's not like he
wants anything from me anyway. So whatev. idk. Anyways, so I got home
did basically nothing while ignoring Jose's phone calls. He told me
earlier that he wanted to go out dancing but I really wasn't in the
mood. And like 30 minutes ago Greg sent me this stupid text message
saying that he really wanted to get back together with me but no way.
He, like, fucking beat the shit out of Anthony because he was mad about
Ashleigh. I wish I could trust him enough to get back together with him
[because being his friend makes me miss being his GIRLfriend soo much]
but I can't do that. Greg is like the, i dunno. Around him I always
feel inferior. I can't deal with that kind of stress right now.